One Last Film After Another

Art serves different purposes for different people. For some it’s a form of self-expression, a way to showcase their inner world. For others it’s purpose is for entertainment, something to showcase for others enjoyment (and potentially profit from it). For J, the art of filmmaking is the best way she’s found to organize her thoughts and ideas. “It’s just pure process,” she tells me as we sit in Domino Park surrounded by children crying in annoyance or excitement mixed in with dogs also crying in annoyance or excitement. “I’m like confused about the whole thing and I’m trying to figure it out on my own.” Film hasn’t “clicked” yet for J and that’s something she’s still working on. It might seem like a surprise since she not only has her undergrad in film at NYU, but is currently getting her master’s at Columbia University in the same field. 

We talk about other art forms or interests she might have, but as we talk she admits to me that she doesn’t have any others. “Maybe doodling,” she says with a chuckle. But this goes into something that I’ve seen in many artists I admire. It’s not an obsession of the art or a desire for success in a talent, it’s just that there isn’t much of a choice. When a project pops up in J’s mind, she can’t help but do it, sometimes reluctantly. “I’m always like this is going to be my last film. I just got to make this film and then I’m done.” But the film finishes, and she goes on to making another one. This summer alone she’s made three short films and spends most of her time on a film production set. Which is why it’s shocking when she says, “my love for like the medium of film and like the history of film that hasn’t really like clicked yet…It does bring great sadness…I think ultimately like it is like so cathartic and it is really enjoyable…I’m always like,’Yeah this is going to be the last time I ever do another film…’ It’s like that’s what I have to tell myself to get through the painful parts of it but then it’s so great. I don’t know it’s like a weird like up and down.“

It doesn’t mean that there isn’t passion behind the films J makes. It’s more that the source of that passion comes behind needing to see a thought through. To close to book on an idea, hoping it’s the last one you have to map out. J herself isn’t too concerned about where her filmmaking journey is heading, or at least that’s how it seems. Like many artists who happen to fall into their craft more by accident than purpose, she’ll keep making her films until there isn’t any films left for her to make, which could be never.